Tehilla Luttig
Tehilla Luttig
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
You probably don’t need another relationship tip.
You may need to understand why the ones you already know disappear the moment something actually happens.
Maybe you keep saying yes and then resenting that nobody noticed what it cost you.
Or there’s a fight you could script from memory—both sides, right down to how it ends.
Or you know exactly where the boundary should be until somebody you love is disappointed by it.
Or you’re not fighting much anymore, but somewhere between children, work, responsibilities and life, you’ve stopped feeling like the two people who chose each other.
Or perhaps you can explain your patterns beautifully at 10am—and then at 9pm your partner says, “I don’t want to do this now,” your chest gets hot, and everything you know disappears.
You may call it communication.
You may call it anxiety, resentment, people-pleasing, defensiveness, disconnection or choosing the wrong people.
Those are important clues.
But I want to know:
What keeps happening underneath them?
My Relationship Realignment work looks at four things that affect what happens when real life enters the room:
Identity. Emotional Intelligence. Capacity. Tools.
And there are different ways to do this work depending on what is happening, how deeply you want to go and whether you’re coming alone or together.
You don’t need to know which one you need yet.
That’s what this page is for.
Find the right place to start ↓
"I want to understand what's happening and start on my own (and get some amazing tools while I'm at it)"
"I want a little more support than self-study - without needing private 1:1 sessions."
"I want to work privately on the specific patterns, triggers and relationships showing up in my life.”
"We want to work privately on what keeps happening between us."
Where are you?
The Relationship Realignment Model
After thirteen years of working with individuals and couples, the problems people bring into the room are wildly different.
The same fight every week. No fight at all. Resentment. People-pleasing. Sex disappearing. One person pursuing while the other shuts down. Feeling more like co-parents or housemates than partners. Knowing exactly what you should do and somehow doing the opposite when it matters.
Underneath all those different problems, I keep looking for the same four things.
• Identity • Emotional Intelligence • Capacity. Tools •
They aren’t four personality types, and you don’t either “have them” or you don’t. They work together, and they affect each other.
You can have excellent communication tools and be too depleted to access them. You can understand your partner beautifully while having no idea what you need. You can know exactly where a boundary should be and still be unable to tolerate somebody being unhappy when you hold it. And sometimes you’ve done all the inner work in the world and nobody has actually taught you what to say when the conversation goes sideways.
Healthy relationships need all four.
Private Sessions Directly With Me
For individuals and couples who want the work focused specifically on their relationship, patterns, triggers and history.
This is where we can go deeper, and tailor the work to what is actually happening for you rather than following the curriculum.
Private work can be especially helpful if your childhood was difficult, even if you’re not sure how much it affects you now.
For people who want to learn live, ask questions and do the work in a small community.
Small, judgement-free groups where you get the teaching and tools in real time, other people asking questions you maybe hadn’t thought to ask and the relief of realizing you’re not the only one working through this stuff.
Ways to Work With Me
Quizzes
Start with a little more clarity about what’s actually happening.
My free quizzes help you understand your relationship patterns, where you may be getting stuck, and what might need attention next.
Groups
For people who want to learn live, ask questions and do the work in a small community.
Small, judgement-free groups where you get the teaching and tools in real time, other people asking questions you maybe hadn’t thought to ask and the relief of realizing you’re not the only one working through this stuff.
Prices start at $400 per session.
Some of what you call your personality is adaptation.
The anxious one. The peacekeeper. The one who shuts down. The one who handles everything. The one who needs everybody to be okay.
Some of that is simply temperament. But some of what you’ve been calling who you are may be what you learned to be or do in order to stay safe, useful, loved or out of trouble.
Those patterns usually made sense somewhere. The problem isn’t that you adapted. It’s when an old way of protecting yourself keeps making decisions in a relationship that now needs something different from you.
And your partner brought their own history into the relationship too. Two people can genuinely love each other and still keep triggering, pursuing, withdrawing, overfunctioning, defending and misunderstanding each other.
That’s where Relationship Realignment starts.
Some of the healthiest couples I know fight.
Some of the most successful people I've met have struggled with imposter syndrome and insecurities.
Fighting isn’t automatically the problem. Neither is silence. Plenty of healthy couples have both.
Being anxious, insecure, lonely, or angry doesn't make you broken.
The question is what keeps happening underneath it.
Maybe you keep saying yes and then resenting that nobody noticed what it cost you. Maybe there’s a fight you could script from memory, both sides, right down to what time it ends. Maybe you’re not fighting much anymore, but somewhere between children, work, responsibilities and life, you’ve stopped feeling like the two people who chose each other.
You may think the love changed. You may think you have a communication problem. Often, what you’re seeing is the symptom rather than the whole problem.
The goal isn’t to become less emotional or easier to live with. It’s to get clear enough about what’s actually happening that their silence doesn’t automatically become a verdict on you, your no doesn’t become a whole evening, and a bad Tuesday doesn’t become evidence about your entire marriage. Just as importantly, when something really is wrong, you need to be able to see that clearly too.
Pricing
4 Pillars. Same Method. Different levels of support.
Communication breakdown, resentment, loneliness and the same fight on repeat are symptoms, not the problem. Relationship coaching that gets to the roots.
Self-Study Course
$147
Eight weeks, live, with a small group of couples.
People often arrive a little nervous about talking about their relationship in front of other people, especially the private ones. And then one of the things they tell me they valued most was realising, we’re not the only ones who do this.
It’s a warm, judgement-free space to learn the Relationship Realignment Method, ask the questions that come up in your own relationship, and learn from the questions other couples ask too. You get the tools and teaching, but you also get the experience of being in a room with other normal couples who are working on their relationships too.
The Group Program
The Program, One-to-One
$1,997 Individuals
$2,997 Couples
The Program, Via Messenger
$897
8 Weeks
Learn the Relationship Realignment Method at your own pace, with the practical tools that go with it.
Do it on your own or alongside your partner. No scheduled calls, no keeping up with a group. Just a clear place to start and something useful to do with what you’re learning.
$1,450 per Couple
$997 for Individuals
Eight weeks, just you and me. The same curriculum as the group programme, delivered privately, at your pace rather than the group’s.
Do the whole eight week group program, privately with me.
Eight weeks of the Relationship Realignment work, in writing, on Telegram.
Each week has one focus. You work through that week's material in your own time, try it in your actual life, and bring me what came up. I read every message myself and reply on Tuesdays and Fridays.
This is for the person who doesn't want a group and doesn't want scheduled calls, but does want someone who knows what they're doing paying attention to what's actually happening in their week.
Includes the self-study course, which stays yours afterwards.
Even though the love was strong, the skills we had were not cutting it. We kept looping into the same arguments, which created tension and divide in our otherwise loving home.
Thanks to the class, we were able to see and really feel how things can change with the proper tools to communicate feelings, understand and take accountability for our individual emotions, and respect boundaries, all while not abandoning ourselves or each other.
Tehilla creates a safe space and community to share and feel connected to others going through similar struggles. She is there for you as a couple and individually through the whole process. What she has created is truly unique.”
J&J, USA
Private 1:1
This is for the individual or couple who wants help to rewire deeper issues in individual trigger work with me.
For You
$3,000 for 8 sessions
Or $500 for a single 60 minute session.
You do this without your partner. You don't have to wait for him / her to be 'ready' before you can start changing the dynamic in your relationship. And if you're not in a relationship but you want to figure out why the same things seem to be happening, let's unpack it.
You don’t both have to change for the pattern to change. One person stepping out of it is enough to shift what happens next.
Eight private sessions focused entirely on what is happening in your life and relationships.
This is for the person who doesn’t want a general course or group conversation because the question is more personal: Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I hold the boundary I know I need? What is mine here? What do I actually want?
We use the Relationship Realignment work against your real week, your patterns, your triggers, your relationships and the decisions you’re trying to make.
or
Thank you for sharing your incredible gift with the world. The change that takes place is rapid and long-lasting and can be felt almost instantly.
I've strengthened and made sense of multiple relationships, starting with romantic, but moving to parental, sibling, children ... unexpected areas that have benefitted from focus and healing.
I would highly recommend your services and guidance to anyone who truly wants to heal and grow. Your ability to reveal the most vulnerable places to heal and provide awareness and self-healing tools is exceptional. Your intuitive ability is far from traditional talk-therapy, but rather a far deeper, more holistic healing process. The relationship with you has been truly life-changing.
MB, USA
For 'US'
$3,500.
Couples Intensive
$10,000.
We love each other. We just cannot keep doing this.
This is not a course.
It is four weeks of focused assessment and intervention for a couple who need someone to look properly at their relationship and work out what is driving the thing they keep getting stuck in.
We start with a thorough assessment (much more in depth than the free assessment here), including time together and time with each of you separately. The rest of the month is built from what that assessment shows us, rather than from a set curriculum.
For couples who don’t need long-term intensive work, but do want support.
When this is bigger than the same old fight. When childhood wasn't nice to one (or both of you).
This is for the relationship with more at stake.
There may have been a betrayal. Separation may have been discussed. One of you may have been checking out for a long time. Or you may keep repairing the same rupture only to find yourselves back in exactly the same place a few weeks later.
We begin with the same five-hour assessment, then have eleven weeks to work with what comes out of it. There is room here for the history, the hurt, the individual triggers and the relationship between them, without trying to squeeze something complicated into a shorter intervention.
Not sure any of these fit? Email me and tell me what’s actually going on. hello@tehillaluttig.com
Payment plans are available, please do reach out: hello@tehillaluttig.com
And South African clients can contact me for local Rand pricing.
Nothing prepared me for what happened yesterday and nothing prepared me for the way I felt when I woke up this morning. It's hard to describe, but my entire body felt light? The experience itself - is this how it usually goes? Wow! It was truly one of the most powerful, intense and significant experiences of my life.
Thank you for asking the question, thank you for working your magic and miracles and mostly, thank you for holding the safest, most compassionate space for me to go and meet that little girl, to see her and make her feel seen, to protect her and make her feel protected, to set her free and make her feel loved and bring back the possibility of joy to both her and me.
And to think that wasn't all you did for me/us these past 2 days!?! The BWRT session on Friday afternoon was in itself hugely transformative and empowering. And the reason we actually came to you... you truly helped my husband and myself to turn our approach to each other around - 180 degrees! So, whatever we decide, wherever we go from here, I know we can now approach it with love and compassion, rather than blame and resentment. And look at the past 17 years in the same way. What a gift - for us and our child. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your divine gift.
MS, RSA
Knowing your pattern isn't the same as being able to change it.
You may already know quite a lot about yourself. You know you’re anxious. You know your partner shuts down. You’ve read about attachment, listened to the podcast and saved the relationship posts.
At 10am, you can explain exactly what happens between you. Then it’s 9pm, your partner says, “I don’t want to do this now,” your chest gets hot and suddenly everything you know has disappeared.
That’s the gap.
Understanding what you do and having access to something different while you’re doing it are not the same thing. The Relationship Realignment Method is about working in that gap.
I know being here is already intimidating and the different options can be daunting. I manage my e-mail personally. Please don't hesitate to reach out and ask questions. (But because I manage it personally and have a full calendar, please be patient with response time).
hello@tehillaluttig.com
$500 for
60 Powerful Minutes